Bree Hodge
From Wiksteria Lane, the free Desperate Housewives encyclopedia!
| Bree Van De Kamp Hodge | |
| |
| Actor: | Marcia Cross |
| Full Name: | Bree Van De Kamp Hodge |
| Age (if known): | 42 |
| Gender: | Female |
| Alive/Deceased: | Alive |
| Occupation: | Author,Caterer |
| Marital Status: | Married (To Orson Hodge) |
| Relation to Main: | {{{relation}}} |
| First appearance: | "Pilot" |
| Last appearance: | N/A |
Bree Hodge (nee Mason; previously Van De Kamp) is portrayed by Marcia Cross.
Contents |
[edit] Biography
[edit] Early Life
Born into the wealthy conservative family of a prosecuting attorney, mannish ginger Bree's life was forever changed when she was a child, when her mother died in her family's driveway, after being hit by a drunk driver. To deal with the trauma, Bree Mason closed herself off from the outside world, repressing her emotions and presenting the illusion of perfection to those who saw her. She also developed an anal retentiveness obsession with cleanliness, which began when she personally washed her dead mother's blood off the driveway, which according to Bree, made her feel happy in the wake of her mother's death.
Bree's father remarried shortly after his wife's death. Bree and her step-mother did not get along: her step-mother was extremely cold towards her step-daughter and very critical of everything she did. Bree reacted to this by repressing her anger and desperately working hard to garner what little praise and emotional support she could pry from her step-mother.
Bree Mason went on to attend college, where, in her freshman year, she met her future husband Rex Van de Kamp, while attending a campus Young Republican meeting. The two connected the moment they met, as after their meeting the two went to a diner, where they stayed up until 2:00 AM, talking about immigration and state government. At the time, Bree was involved in a serious relationship with another man but quickly ended her relationship with him in order to begin dating Rex. This caused stress between Bree and her family, who did not approve of Rex as a suitor for their daughter. Shortly thereafter, the two married, with Bree Mason Van de Kamp quickly becoming pregnant with the first of her two children by Rex.
[edit] Season 1
According to Rex Van de Kamp, the two started with a normal marriage and Bree herself acting like a normal suburban stay-at-home mother. But along the way, Bree changed considerably: her obsessive-compulsive personality disorder began to consume her very being, to the point that her entire life became about cleaning and crafting the perfect illusion towards her family being perfect.
During this time, Bree Van de Kamp; nee mason gave birth to a son named Andrew and a daughter named Danielle, and the family moved to Wisteria Lane, where Bree developed friends within her neighborhood and with the more wealthy residents of the town, as Rex's career as a doctor allowed for Bree to provide a perfect upper-class lifestyle for her children.
On the outside, Bree Van de Kamp life was the envy of all of her friends. But in private, things were falling apart: her husband Rex was growing increasingly bitter towards Bree for her increasing emotional coldness and obsession with the family's appearance, ultimately culminating in him beginning an affair with a local soccer mom/secret prostitute Maisy Gibbons. Bree's children, most notably Andrew, began to chafe at Bree's controlling nature: Andrew rebelled against her any way he possibly could, while Danielle became secretly promiscuous, as a means to rebel against thier mother's conservative views. Bree desperately held the family together, in no small part due to her iron will which allowed her to dominate the family in light of Rex opting to play “good cop” to Bree's “bad cop”, in order to obtain his children's affections.
After 17 years of marriage, it took the suicide death of Bree's friend and fellow housewife Mary Alice Young to motivate Rex to demand a divorce from Bree during dinner. Bree responded by accidentally adding onions to her husband's salad, showing her secret shock toward her husband, unwittingly causing him to have an allergic reaction and nearly kill him.
Much of season one of “Desperate Housewives” focused on Bree's attempts to keep her family together as she dealt with her son Andrew's rebellious behavior and her husband Rex's desire for a divorce. The two sought private counseling for their marital troubles (under the condition, stipulated by Bree, that they tell everyone they were taking tennis lessons instead of going to couples therapy). There, Bree met Dr. Goldfine, a psychiatrist who would ironically become a confidant for Bree, much to her initial distrust of the very concept of the field of psychiatry. Furthermore, she reached out towards Zach Young, the son of her deceased friend Mary-Alice Young, but failed to reach the troubled teenager.
Ultimately, during a dinner party being thrown in honor of the deceased Mary-Alice Young by her friends, Rex finally left his wife after Bree (seeking to join in on her fellow housewives and their husbands discussion of their personal sex lives) revealed that Rex always cries after ejaculating during sex. Rex leaving his family deepened the rift between Bree and her son Andrew, who by this point had openly begun attacking his mother verbally, blaming her for causing all of the problems inside the family. When Bree discovered that her teenage son was drinking alcohol and going to strip clubs, Andrew angrily announced that he was leaving the house and moving in with his father. Rex, however, rejected Andrew's attempt to live with him and ordered him to apologize to his mother and return home. In order to bring himself to return to his mother with his tail between his legs, Andrew got drunk and drove home, only to hit Juanita Solis (Carlos Solis' mother) with his car, as she ran out into the street.
The hit and run caused Bree to call her estranged husband and their ensuing cover-up of the crime brought them closer together. Their marriage fell onto hard times once again, however, when Bree discovered her husband's affair with Maisy Gibbons after Rex had a heart attack while having sex with Maisy. Confronting her weakened husband on his hospital bed, Bree vowed to never forgive her husband for his betrayal of their marital vows.
Bree Van de Kamp took to the revelation regarding Rex's infidelity in her stride; she told Andrew of the affair (which shattered his love for his father, until Bree told her son that her boast of no longer loving Rex was only half-true and that part of her would still love him). But seeking to make Rex jealous led Bree to make a decision that would have dire consequences for her husband. Bree turned to the family's pharmacist George Williams, for companionship based upon their mutual love of guns and cultural matters (which Rex loathed). Though Bree accidentally shot off one of George's toes while visiting a target range, George fell madly in love with Bree and was confronted by Rex. In his attempt to intimidate George into staying away from Bree, Rex mocked George's profession as a pharmacist and stated that Bree would rather be with a professional doctor instead. This only fueled George's hatred for Rex, causing him to hatch a dangerous plan to kill Rex by replacing his heart medication with placebos made from potassium.
Bree and Rex ultimately would reconcile at this point, partially motivated by the revelation that their son Andrew was gay. A staunch conservative Christian, Bree tried desperately to get Andrew to renounce his homosexuality, stating her fear that Andrew would go to hell as a result of his sexuality. To Andrew, this would be the defining moment in his hatred for his mother, as the revelation that his mother believed he would burn in hell for all eternity made him realize his mother could never truly love him. After Bree tearfully told Andrew her fears for his eternal damnation, Andrew falsely proclaimed that he was done with men, though confessed to the family pastor (whom Bree had consulted to help “correct” her son) that he was still gay, albeit being more of a bisexual. He then added that he would play the role of “Good Son”, so that he could destroy his mother when she least expected it.
Reconciled, Bree and Rex began to work on restoring their marriage, which included Bree agreeing to engage in dominatrix-type sexual role-playing with her husband. However, despite Rex's demand that she stop seeing George, Bree continued to hang out with the pharmacist, oblivious to the fact that George was seeking a romantic relationship with her, as opposed to a close, nonsexual friendship. When she told George how Rex had forbidden her from spending time with him, George took Bree's anger at Rex as code for him to kill her husband. So George continued to replace Rex's heart medication with placebos. This caused Rex's health condition to rapidly deteriorate, leading towards him becoming physically weak and at risk from a serious heart attack.
As Rex and Bree planned to renew their marital vows to celebrate their reconciliation, Bree confided to George about Rex's failing health. This caused George to break into the Van De Kamp household to replace the placebos with the real medication, in order to cover his tracks. While foraging, George discovered Rex's S&M paraphernalia. George then crafted a lie where he told Bree, in strictest confidence, that Rex had been bragging about how he had gotten his wife to serve as his own personal dominatrix, to his friends at the medical practice where he worked. This caused Bree to turn against Rex, who had a heart attack when Bree told him what she had heard (Bree omitted the fact that George had told her, per his request). Bree sent Rex downstairs and slowly broke down, retreating into her obsessive-compulsive disorder as she made the couple's bed before taking Rex to the hospital. Once she got there, Bree confided to her friends that Rex could have died while she was making the bed and expressed guilt for making him wait like she did. Bree apologized to Rex, who now had to undergo a potentially dangerous heart surgery to save his life. After Bree left her husband at the hospital, however, Rex's doctor confronted him with the prospect that Bree may have been slipping him extremely dangerous quantities of potassium in order to kill him. Rex refused to believe that Bree would poison him, until the Doctor reminded him that Bree had attempted to poison him several months prior in a fit of rage, when he first announced his desire for a divorce. When the doctor left the room, Rex contemplated what he had been told and wrote a cryptic note to his wife, telling her that he “understood” and “forgave her” (what it is Rex “understood” and “forgave” is never stated, but assumed to be him forgiving Bree for murdering him and understanding why she did it). Shortly after writing the note, Rex suffered a stroke and died. At home at the time her husband died, Bree calmly thanked the doctor who called her for alerting her of her husband's death and promptly went about cleaning the family's silverware, given to Bree and Rex by Bree's aunt when the couple was married. After cleaning the silverware, Bree exploded in grief.
[edit] Season 2
Days passed as Bree Van de Kamp bottled up her grief and resumed her pretending of not being distraught in the wake of her husband's death. This was in no small part due to the arrival of Rex's pushy and domineering mother, Phyllis. Phyllis had never approved of Bree as a spouse for her husband and sought to usurp control over the funeral, so as to punish Bree for freeing Rex from her controlling grip. This ultimately culminated at the funeral, when Phyllis went behind Bree's back and replaced the tie she picked out for her husband with his garish orange prep-school tie. Bree's anger exploded as she proceeded to demand that Tom Scavo (husband of Bree's friend Lynnette Scavo) hand over his tie so that she could put it on her dead husband's body. After the funeral, Bree confronted George and privately expressed the tears and pain that she had been repressing as she told her friend, oblivious to his contribution to Rex's death, how much she missed him.
The weeks that followed would be trying, as Bree turned to George for comfort in the wake of her husband's death. This led the police, notified by Rex's mother, to investigate Bree for murder. They dug up Rex's body for a further autopsy and told Bree about the note Rex had written prior to his death. Bree reacted in horrific fashion towards the notion that Rex went to his death believing that Bree had murdered him, by having his body buried in a public cemetery instead of the family plot, as well as throwing her wedding ring into the open grave in anger at Rex's dying thoughts and written declaration.
Bree began to drink heavily and turned towards George for emotional support; George masterfully manipulated Bree's childlike trust in her “friend”. He convinced her to send Andrew away to a camp for troubled teens when he confronted George over the way he was taking advantage over the grieving Bree. George also brutally assaulted Dr. Goldfine, when he suggested to Bree that she stop seeing George. George topped this off by inviting Bree to go with him on an out of town trip, with the pretense of him keeping the trip non-romantic. Bree agreed, but when they went out for dinner during the trip, George drugged Bree unconscious and then waited for several hours until Bree woke up in her hotel room, fully dressed and George eerily sitting in a nearby chair. As Bree struggled to remember what had happened to her, George angrily told Bree that nothing had happened to her due to his diligence in “protecting her” but went on a tirade about how he had fallen in love with her during the past couple of months and demanded that Bree either return his affection or else lose him. Distraught and confused due to her being drugged and George's sudden and utter change in personality, Bree reluctantly agreed and soon agreed to marry George.
By this time though, George had overreached his hand; sending out a premature wedding announcement attracted the attention of a former girlfriend of his who had been the past victim of his obsessive stalker behavior. Bree dismissed her claims, but started to worry when George began to demand that she wear his engagement ring at all times and revealed his intention for Bree to bear him several children, an idea that Bree was against due to her having raised two children already. Things came to a head when Bree ran into her former boyfriend, whom she had dated before she met Rex, during dinner. George instantly became jealous and reacted in a publicly hostile tone towards Bree Van de Kamp (who had opted not to wear her engagement ring to dinner) and to the former boyfriend. When Bree expressed her anger at George for his inappropriate behavior, even going so far as to say they were now no longer engaged, he fled the restaurant and stole the former boyfriend's car, which he then promptly doused in gasoline and burned.
By this point, Dr. Goldfine had recovered from his injuries. After he talks to Bree Van de Kamp, she realizes that George was his attacker. George soon fled, as his home was raided and evidence was discovered exposing that he had caused Rex's death by tampering with his medication. With George on the run, Bree went about hosting a charity event at a nearby hotel, unaware that George had rented a room at the hotel for one last gambit to win Bree back. George swallowed a large amount of sleeping pills and called for Bree to come to his room, where he sought to manipulate Bree into saving his life from his apparent suicide. Bree, however, now knowing that he had caused Rex's death, refused to save him, especially after George proclaimed that he thought that she wanted Rex dead. Bree coldly watched as George fell unconscious and died.
With George's death, Bree Van de Kamp was exonerated of all wrongdoing in her husband's death. Andrew was promptly brought home, where he proclaimed that he was no longer going to hide his homosexuality from his mother and began to openly bring his longtime boyfriend up to his room. Andrew's defiant attitude, combined with her grief for her husband's death, and the revelation that George murdered her husband as part of his obsession with her drove Bree to become an alcoholic. When she passed out while babysitting Lynette's kids, Lynette sought(unsuccessfully) to help Bree acknowledge her drinking problem.
Things came to a head when Andrew demanded that he be allowed early access to his trust fund, which he had assumed was set up by his father. Bree refused, in part because the account was set up by Bree's parents and not Rex. Denied, Andrew sought to legally emancipate himself from his mother and thus gain full control over the trust fund. When Andrew had his boyfriend hit him in the face, so that he could play the “child abuse” card along with the “alcoholic” card against his mother in court, Bree had no choice but to begin attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. This led to a tense confrontation between mother and son, where Andrew explains that he doesn't understand why his mother won't simply let him take his trust fund and leave, effectively ending the emotionally toxic struggle that the two are locked in due to Andrew's utter hatred for his mother. To this Bree responds, "You know, the opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifference. And if you hate me, that means you still care and we're still connected and I still have a chance to set you right."
Bree attends AA and meets Peter McMillan, a kind, attentive man who becomes her sponsor. She confesses to him that she doesn't like herself anymore; Peter says he likes her just fine. And so, Peter becomes her new addiction. After Bree kisses him in thanks, Peter warns her that he is also a sex addict. He tries to foist her on another sponsor, but Bree falls off the wagon (possibly with the intention of showing Peter how much she needs him). After Bree frames Peter's emotionally abusive and controlling sex addiction sponsor of drug possession, Peter agrees to help her get sober. At this point, Bree's parents step in, after the first court date in Andrew's bid for legal emancipation results the family's various dirty laundry being made public in open court. Meanwhile, seeing Lynette's anger at Bree's drinking problem, Andrew attempts to get Lynette to testify on his behalf. On the stand, however, Lynette sides with Bree, after realizing that Andrew is trying to manipulate her.
Seeking to avoid any further family scandal, Bree's step-mother offers to let Andrew move in with them, effectively resolving the conflict while allowing Andrew to get what he wants after all: access to his grandparents' fortune due to his status as their only grandson. Bree is furious at this, but has a lucky break when she sees Andrew telling his boyfriend that he is leaving town. Having a talk with her son's boyfriend, Bree realizes how much he loves Andrew and the two decide to work together to foil Andrew's plan. While packing Andrew's belongings up for transport to his new home, Bree hands her step-mother a box containing Andrew's gay porn. As her step-mother reacts in horror, Bree tells her that Andrew is gay and effectively turns her step-mother against him. Bree's step-mother then tells him that not only is she not going to let Andrew live with her, but that they are dissolving the trust fund that Andrew coveted so much. Though Andrew suspects Bree was responsible, he says nothing as he realizes that his mother has turned the corner and has now come to accept his homosexuality.
Despite this, the anger still exists with Andrew Van de Kamp, and he finally exploits it when he seduces Peter (now officially dating Bree) in Bree's own bed. The next day, Bree drives Andrew to visit a nearby college, but stops the car after they exit the city. The two then have a tense confrontation as Bree reveals the true reason for their car trip: she cannot cope with Andrew any more, as she is not strong enough. She hands him a bag of things, tells him there is a bus stop nearby, and then drives off, leaving him behind.
Abandoning her son causes Bree Van de Kamp to start to spiral into a deep depression, which culminates in her not only forgetting her remaining child Danielle's birthday, but losing her cool, and brutally snapping at Danielle's friends at the make-up birthday that she is guilt-tripped into throwing for Danielle. When Danielle runs away with Matthew Applewhite, Bree's breakdown is complete and she checks herself into a psychiatric facility. While in the facility, Bree is seen by Orson Hodge, who is visiting a patient at the hospital. The two verbally go at it, as Bree claims that she is not insane like the other people in the institute, which offends Orson (who has spent time in a mental institute after the death of his father). When Bree learns via a voice-mail message that Matthew Applewhite is a murderer who brutally butchered his previous girlfriend, Bree freaks out and tries to leave the clinic. At this point, the clinic's staff refuse to let Bree leave and put her in restraints. Ultimately, Bree does escape, with help from Orson Hodge, who decides to lie to the clinic's guards about not seeing Bree escape the hospital. Escaping back to Wisteria Lane, Bree Van de Kamp finds Danielle and a gun-toting Matthew Applewhite going through Bree's home for money to take with them. Exposing Matthew as a killer, Bree refuses to let Matthew hurt Danielle and puts herself between Matthew and her daughter. Matthew tries to pull his gun's trigger to kill Bree, but he is shot dead by the police as they enter the house to rescue Bree and Danielle. Bree and Danielle reconcile as Orson shows up to start his relationship with Bree Van de Kamp over again after their first conversation turned into an argument.
[edit] Season 3
After a six-month courtship, Bree Van de Kamp and Orson Hodge got married, but their marriage was plagued by the revelation that Orson may have not only physically abused his first wife, Alma, but also murdered her. Bree's relationship with Orson results in Bree realizing that she never had a proper orgasm, after Orson performs oral sex upon Bree before their wedding. Bree defends Orson from the charges leveled against him regarding his ex-wife's fate, though she is unaware that Orson, months prior, had ran over Mike Delfino, boyfriend to Bree's friend, Susan Mayer, in order to keep him from remembering that Orson was at the house of Orson's mistress Monique Pollier, on the night that Orson's sociopathic mother, Gloria Hodge, murdered Monique in order to keep Orson trapped in his loveless marriage to Alma.
During this time, Andrew returned home, and the rift between Andrew and his mother was healed through Orson's mediation. However, the arrival of Orson's evil mother, Gloria, and the return of Alma, causes a rift in the family once more. When the two women successfully drugged Orson for the purpose of allowing Alma to rape Orson, Bree intervened and learned the truth about what had happened. Bree's evil mother-in-law retaliated by neutralizing Bree Hodge with a booby-trapped ladder, which left her injured and confined to her bed. Ultimately, Gloria tries to kill Bree in the bathtub, trying to make it look like a suicide, after arranging for Danielle to unwittingly drug her mother unconscious. However, Orson intervenes and in defense of Bree, causes his mother to suffer a terminal stroke. Orson then tells Bree Hodge that Alma (having turned against Gloria when she announced her plan to murder Bree) has died and frames her for Monique's murder while putting Gloria (now paralyzed and mute due to her stroke) into a nursing home, with him telling her that he'll never visit her again. Bree Hodge then left to visit her parents, with Orson arranging to meet up with her later for an extended vacation/honeymoon as their original honeymoon was cancelled with Andrew returning to the family. However the revelation that Danielle was pregnant has led to much more chaos for Bree as she now must deal with her daughter's impending single motherhood.
[edit] Season 4
Season four deals with Bree's desire to have another chance at motherhood by lying to the neighbours about Danielle's pregnancy. Bree develops a rivalry with new neighbour Katherine Mayfair, who she finds out is keeping a secret. Phyllis Reynolds-Van de Kamp, Rex's mother, later turns up at Bree's baby party and the two soon come to blows, with Phyllis discovering Bree's secret however she keeps it quiet but she goes and takes Danielle from the place where she is being looked after. Bree and Orson go to get Danielle from Phyllis but she refuses to go so Bree and Orson bribe Danielle to leave Phllyis'. As Danielle leaves Bree Van de Kamp-Hodge and Phyllis Van de Kamp are left alone, Bree tells Phyllis that when the baby is born she can come over to babysit and Phyllis is pleased.
Soon after at Bob and Lee's halloween party, Danielle appears dressed as a pregnant Bree to hide the fact it's really her who is pregnant. However Danielle's water breaks and Bree, Orson and Andrew rush Danielle home. Bree Hodge goes back to the party to fetch Adam Mayfair and he confesses that he knew Bree and Orson were faking a pregnancy. Adam helps deliver the baby who turns out to a boy and he promises Bree he will keep their secret. They name the baby Benjamin. Bree brings Benjamin to Danielle later that night and she asks Danielle if she is positive that she wants Bree and Orson Hodge to raise him, Danielle says yes and says that it is best for everyone, especially him. Bree Hodge see's a mature streak appear in Danielle Van de Kamp and she leaves Danielle to rest. Soon after Danielle goes off to college.
Bree and Orson Hodge lie to the neighbours and say that Bree gave birth in the middle of the night, and Bree and Orson argue about if Benjamin should be cicrumstised. Orson leaves a note at the hospital saying he does not wish for his son to be circumstised in the event that Bree Hodge brought him to the hospital to have it done. Bree Hodge however manages to get someone else to do it and Orson is mad. He questions her why she always has to decide everything and they both decide to make decisions together.
In the episode 4.09 Katherine spots Slyvia and spits in her face when she insults her. Bree Hodge over sees and when she tries to discover the Mayfair secret from Slyiva she informs Bree of a tatoo Adam had on his arm which is evidence that he slept with her. When Bree does not fully believe her, Slyvia gets mad and locks herself in Bree's bathroom which was were she, Orson and Benjamen was going to ride out the approching tornado. Bree is forced to get Adam and Katherine to come over to get her out. Katherine tells Bree that Slyvia and Adam kissed, but then she made out that they were in love and she sued for sexual assult which is why Katherine and Adam tried to move in Fairview. When Orson arrives he informs Bree, Adam and Katherine that there's a funnel cloud outside but Slyvia refuses to leave the bathroom so they all go into the closet. Bree then mentions the tatoo and Katherine discovers Adam really did have an affair because he did have a snake tatoo on his shoulder but had it removed. Bree comforts her. Slyvia later leaves the bathroom and walks out the house only to be swept into the cyclone and die. After the tornado's past Bree, Orson, Katherine and Adam amerge completely shocked at the tornado's devestation.
In the following episode 4.10 Mrs. Bree Hodge tries to set Andrew up with a man who had refused to fix a hole in her roof due to the fact his boyfriend had just split with him and moved in with another man. Bree fails however due to the fact that she and Orson were staying at Susan's until the damage is repaired and Susan loved the fact that Bree was keeping the house clean and doing the laundry and great dinners for her and Julie. Susan had tried to put the man off Andrew. The man soon does and he leaves. Bree confronts Susan and she tells Bree she did it because the only reason she has not snapped due to Mike being in rehab is because Bree has been there to help her and Bree comforts her friend.
After Edie Britt discovered the truth about Benjamin Van de Kamp-Hodge being her great-nephew, she blackmailed Bree with the information. To Edie's surprise, Bree told the other housewives who ultimately sided with Bree Hodge. Not taking kindly to blackmail (Mary Alice, their deceased friend and narrator of the series committed suicide upon being blackmailed by a neighbor), the housewives all confronted Edie and made it clear that they would act as if Edie didn't exist, defriending her.
During the two-hour season finale, Bree is taken hostage with Katherine by Katherine's ex-husband, Wayne Davis. Wayne uses Bree Hodge as his way of learning Katherine's secret: he has a gun, and is about to shoot Bree. Katherine couldn't bear to have Bree (the two started off as rivals, but became best friends) killed, so she told Wayne the truth. After Katherine shoots Wayne, killing him, Bree Van de Kamp (no longer Hodge) asks the other housewives (Susan Delfino, Lynette Scavo, and Gabrielle Solis) to come up with a self-defense story to save Katherine from going to jail. This works and Katherine is taken off to a hospital instead of jail.
After the five year jump, Bree comes home after playing poker at Gabrielle Solis'. Andrew welcomes her telling her that he's with a woman from the New York Times on the phone who wants to have an interview with her (since she is now a famous cookbook author), Orson Hodge calls her from upstairs and Bree tells Andrew to tell the woman that she'll do the interview in the morning because she wants to have a nice bubble bath with her husband. Bree is called up by Orsan as Mrs. Van de Kamp-Hodge not Ms. Hodge it is understood that Bree changed her name back to Van de Kamp.
[edit] Season 5
In ep. 501 Bree Van de Kamp argues with a photographer about a photo he’s taking for her cookbook. Later, Katherine’s upset that Bree’s missing out on things for their catering company. To make up, Bree Van de Kamp gives Katherine a galley of her book, which she’s dedicated to Katherine. Edie washes her car outside, knowing it’ll attract the attention of the neighbors. Lynette Scavo, Gabrielle Solis, Bree Van de Kamp, and Susan Delfino approach her, and learn she’s moved back, with her husband. Later, the women meet Dave Williams. When Edie Williams wonders why Gaby got so fat, Dave wants her to be nice, and to the women’s amazement, Edie turns nice. Bree informs Katherine that "What’s Cooking, Fairview?" will be coming with a camera crew tomorrow. But Katherine’s more interested in Bree’s book, specifically the fact that Bree didn’t credit Katherine for her recipes. Bree claims she at least changed every recipe slightly to make it her own. In her test kitchen, Bree Van de Kamp introduces the host of What’s Cooking, Fairview to her staff, including Katherine. Katherine pretends to injure her wrist, then insists that Bree handle the complicated spinning of the sugar netting. Bree does her best, but only manages to injure the host, then get the sugar caught on her jewelry. Katherine claims her wrist is healed and she can demonstrate it herself now. Edie tells the women she’s happy to have a party as an apology for making her go away, but the women consider it to be a “We forgive you” party. Bree flashes back to when Danielle took back Benjamin, after marrying a lawyer and enlisting his help to get Benjamin back. Back in the present, Orson can’t convince Bree to come to bed, as she’s still working ;she threw herself into her work after losing Benjamin.
In ep. 502 Bree shows her cookbook "Mrs. Van De Kamp's Old Fashion Cooking" to Andrew and Orson. Orson wonders why Bree did not name her cookbook as Mrs. Hodge, to which Bree replies Mrs. Van De Kamp is what she is known for. Bree later does a radio interview for her new cookbook when she talks about her dead husband, and completely ignores Orson's existence. When Orson confronts Bree about the issue, she said she is not proud of his past. Furious, Orson demands to cook pot roast for dinner as Bree had promised over and over, and Bree weeps while preparing the meal.
In ep. 5.03 We’re introduced to Benjamin Katz, Danielle’s son, as he, Danielle, and Danielle’s husband drive towards Wisteria Lane. Meanwhile, Orson and Bree discuss the return as Danielle, Benji, and Leo arrive. Benji isn’t sure he remembers Orson. Bree reacts when Benji calls his own mother Danielle. Danielle tells Bree that Benji will call Bree “Granny.” Orson’s played checkers with Benji. Bree learns from Danielle that the Katzes are vegetarians, and Bree doesn’t care for this. Bree doesn’t like Danielle’s “nutty liberal politics.” She fears Benji will be teased at school, then learns Danielle is homeschooling him. Danielle tells Bree that she’s his mother and gets to decide. Oh, and Benjamin’s having a bar mitzvah soon. At the park, Ben looks at pictures of Danielle with Bree, and learns Danielle ate hot dogs as a child. Bree tells Benji that eating things like hot dogs make kids get big. Perhaps Danielle’s afraid he’ll get too big too fast. Bree has a hot dog for Benji to eat and gives it to him; he promises not to tell his mother. He thinks the hot dog’s like tofu, only better. At Danielle’s welcome home party, Katherine asks Danielle’s husband Leo about where he went to college--Cornell. Katherine tries to get info out about where Dave went to college and although Dave avoids the question, Edie presses the issue. Dave admits he didn’t go to college as he went to work out of high school, and always feels embarrassed about it. Susan comes to Gaby and tells her she’s sorry. She’s brought alcohol. Susan talks about her problems raising a boy when Mike’s not there. Gabrielle doesn’t think she’s getting the job done even with Carlos there. Susan thinks Gaby’s the strongest person she knows, even as Gaby thinks she’s become a victim, beaten down by life. Susan and Gabrielle toast each other as good mothers. Bree’s dinner party sits down. Benji feels ill and vomits on the floor. Danielle sees there’s meat in the vomit. The guests are disgusted by the vomit. Danielle realizes what Bree did and confronts her mother. Danielle insists on taking Benji and leaving. Later, Bree tells Orson she’s apologized but Danielle’s leaving in the morning. Orson’s mad at Bree for ruining it after just a day. Orson talks about how he thinks it’s Bree’s fault Benji went away from them. She should have fought harder. Bree walks away.
In ep. 504 The women mask their jealousy as Bree presents them with copies of her cookbook. Bree downplays her success, and, when Andrew calls her to say she’s been named Businesswoman of the Year, Bree doesn’t tell her friends. Later, while driving in to see Orson at work, she sees him on a parking bench and realizes he lost his job weeks ago because he’s an ex-con. Later, Orson asks Bree to become her business partner, but Katherine quietly but decisively makes her tell her husband no. When Bree finds Orson sleeping in the guest bedroom, he claims it’s because of her snoring, even as she realizes it’s because she wouldn’t make him a business partner. Orson even keeps himself from going to the banquet in Bree’s honor. Afterwards, Bree tells her husband he can be a partner after all, and he rejoins her in bed. Unsatisified with the marketing campaign for Bree’s cookbook, Lynette decides to create one of her own, and she tells Tom she’s considering going back to work in advertising part time. But when Lynette pitches her ideas, Bree politely says no. At a banquet in Bree’s honor, Lynette damns Bree’s marketing campaign. When she learns her former assistant Stu owns the company responsible for the marketing campaign, Lynette becomes drunk, then confronts Bree. Bree tells Lynette to leave, which Lynette does, though not before setting off the emergency exit alarm. Afterwards, Lynette apologizes to Bree for her actions. She’ jealous of everything Bree has accomplished; Bree admits that Orson’s sleeping in the guest bedroom, so she doesn’t have everything she wants.
Inep. 505 Mary-Alice talks about a surprise party that went badly. We see Lynette splash a drink in Tom’s face, Susan watch Jackson kiss Katherine, Gabrielle get mad with Carlos, and Orson asking Bree for a divorce. Bree looks in the mirror; Orson enters, ready to reveal to everyone at the party he’s Bree’s partner. She doesn’t want to reveal it and admits she hasn’t told Katherine. Why is it hard to tell Katherine the truth? We flash back to a dinner party the night before Orson’s being sent off to prison for 3 years. Andrew and Lee make crude prison jokes as Orson enjoys his alcohol. While she’s getting Orson another drink, Bree takes a drink of her own in private, her first drink in years. In another flashback, Katherine finds a drunk Bree sleeping in bed when she should be catering a lunch. Katherine orders Bree up! Later, she admits how her drinking problem returned. Katherine thinks Bree should fill her void with work. Katherine tells Bree not to tell Orson about the problem; Katherine’s moving in with Bree to help her and vows to get her through the problems. Back in the present, Bree and Orson head out for the party. Bree still won’t reveal the truth to Katherine and is reconsidering having him as a partner. She fires him as they join Tom and Lynette and we’re right where we were when we last saw Tom and Lynette. Bree tells Orson about her drinking while he was in prison. Orson meets with Katherine, having learned what she did for Bree. Orson will work for Katherine and Bree til Katherine decides he’s ready to be a partner.
In ep. 506 Bree’s in her office. Orson had a call from an old friend, Peter, who wants him to cater something. Bree’s excited. Orson’s done a lot of work and Bree suggests Katherine take the afternoon off. Katherine clearly feels left out. Bree talks to Katherine, who reveals she’s thinking of moving to Maryland to be with Dylan. Katherine doesn’t think she has anything in Fairview and she admits she hasn’t had sex in 2 years. Orson’s friend Peter arrives at Bree’s office. She moves from talking about catering his parents’anniversary to bringing up his anniversary; she learns he’s single. She’s to set up a sample dinner for him; as Katherine learns soon, it’s a blind date/work. Katherine will cook for him but won’t treat it like a date. But seeing him on Bree’s cell phone makes her reconsider this. Orson learns Bree set Katherine up with a client. He’s happy til he learns it’s Peter! Orson reveals Peter’s an ex-felon! Specifically, he’s a surgeon who trafficked organs! She calls Katherine to warn her. Katherine’s slept with Peter! Katherine’s grateful for Bree’s help. Katherine’s late for work. Bree has a drink ready for Katherine. Later, Katherine’s teary after learning about Peter having stolen kidneys from homeless people. Now Katherine wants to move as Bree’s so happy now and Katherine’s a needy idiot. She should be with family; Bree says she thinks of Katherine as her sister and cares about her deeply.
In ep. 5.07 Bree and Orson confront employee Charlie for stealing 200. He’s fired but doesn’t have the money. He bought pot with the money. They want their money back ASAP. Orson’s hired a replacement for Charlie. Bree has good news of her own: a good review of her book. The couple kiss. Their work together has succeeded. He can’t keep his hands off of her, and he’s ready for sex, in her test kitchen! Katherine gets Bree to agree to let her leave work early. As Katherine leaves, Andrew enters and reveals Charlie stole the surveillance tape in the kitchen. The tape is also a sex tape! Bree and Orson are horrified. Charlie wants two thousand dollars or he’ll publicize it. Bree reminds Andrew she’s raised him well but he’s to forget it all now and get the tape back, at any cost! Andrew got back the tape and gives it to Orson and Bree. He wants them to watch it. They do so, reluctantly, but it’s not Orson and Bree…it’s Mike and Katherine! Bree gives Katherine the surveillance tape and Katherine realizes Bree saw it. Bree wonders if Katherine knows what she’s doing sleeping with the ex-husband of her oldest friend on Wisteria Lane. All Katherine knows is she’s having the time of her life. Bree would hate to see it end badly.
In ep. 508 Bree talks to Katherine about a reporter coming to interview Bree. Andrew informs Bree the reporter’s known for writing hatchet jobs. Enter the reporter, Sandra Birch. Bree shows the reporter her kitchen and then introduces her to Orson. They’re all on their best behavior; the reporter wonders if she’s really a Donna Reed housewife from the 50s. Bree lets the answering machine pick up a message, which reveals that Orson’s been in prison. Bree sees the reporter talking to Bob and Lee. The men say the women was talking to them about rumors she’s heard, including Rex’s history with S&M hookers and Orson trying to kill Mike. Also at the club, Bree’s joined by the reporter who thinks the book is all about how Bree is better than everyone else. Bree says she doesn’t think she’s great. She’s fallen down many times and wants women to know they can get something right. The reporter can work with that angle.
In ep. 509 Bree's happy when Orson's doctor, Dr. Alex Coministells her Orson will be fine. Susan storms off from Mike's room, and heads to see Bree, as she's learned Bree's known about Mike and Katherine for some time. Bree blames the problem on Susan, as she can see Susan still loves Mike, and tells her friend to either tell Mike how she feels or move on.He's sleeping in a hospital bed -- and is snoring quite loudly. Thankfully, the problem can be fixed with a simple surgery. But when Bree tells Orson this later, he refuses to have the surgery, as a family friend died in surgery once. Bree has trouble sleeping because of Orson's snoring; he almost drugs her tea with a sleeping pill, then learns she already took one. The next morning, Bree sleeps in, and Orson wakes her as she's late to a cooking demonstration, Bree drinks the drugged tea! She makes a fool of herself at the cooking demonstration due to being groggy. Later, Bree and Orson arrive at Dr. Cominis's office. Bree tells him Orson's having the surgery now because he owes her after drugging her. After they leave, Dr. Cominis calls his boyfriend to say he doesn't want them to become like an insane married couple. His boyfriend is revealed to be Andrew Van De Kamp.
In ep. 5.10 Orson’s doctor Alex tells Bree and Orson he’s good to go. As Bree goes to leave him a thank you card, she sees a picture of Alex and Andrew on his desk! Bree confronts Andrew for keeping this secret, but Andrew thinks she didn’t want to know. She wants Alex to come to dinner tomorrow at 8. Bree and Orson are with Andrew and Alex. Bree tells the couple to scooch closer together. She’s comfy with their lifestyle. The doorbell rings--it’s Bob and Lee who seem to recognize Alex. Bree notices the men talking in private. Back at Bree’s dinner, Alex thanks Bree for the dinner and brings up a wedding. Andrew tries to stop him, but it comes out they’re getting married! Bree’s going to handle the wedding. As she hugs Andrew, she notes Bob and Lee talking quietly again. She pulls them into the next room and questions them. They reveal Alex was in an adult movie called Rear Deployment. Bree shows Andrew the copy of the movie Alex starred in. Andrew knew all about it; Alex considered it a mistake he did to help him through medical school. Andrew’s okay with it, as he has an interesting past himself. Andrew loves Alex very much. Bree wanted to protect Andrew, and Andrew thinks it’s the nicest thing she’s ever done for him.
In ep. 511 Bree meets Alex's mother, Melina Cominis, for the first time. From the offset their relationship hits the rocks as Alex's mother starts to "call" the children for holidays such as Christmas and Thanksgiving. The fight to win over their affections begins as Alex and Andrew start to look for houses. Bree recommends the Adams house which is shown to them by Edie, but Melina suggests that they both move to Oakdale and buy a house there instead. While having a family dinner, Melina announces that a doctor back at Oakdale is leaving and Alex has been suggested to take over the practice. Scared of losing Andrew, Bree lies and states that she's already bought the Adams house for the boys as a wedding gift. While the dinner continues, Bree calls Edie so she can make the arrangements to buy the house.
In ep. 512 Bree is surprised at Alex's behaviour when he openly asks Bree not to criticize Orson in front of him because of how his own mother drove his father away by doing that. The thought of emasculating Orson prays on Bree's mind who asks for comfort from Orson, but he cannot deny that she can be harsh at times. When Orson cooks for a BBQ party, Bree refuses to give an opinion on his cooking in the fear of receiving criticism from Alex again. Bree stresses that Alex should be polite in her house, especially after she's bought him a house. Realizing that there are strings attached to the gift they received, Alex denies her gesture of buying the house. Bree goes to Andrew later, he tells her that not everyone has to listen to Bree and does as she says. Bree opens her eyes to how her behavior has changed since her business took off and she talks to Alex, giving him back the house keys and asking that he may criticize her when she crosses the line in future.
In ep. 513 Eli Scruggs, the neighbourhood handy man, is at Susan Mayer's house when he is approached by an angry Karen McCluskey. McCluskey is annoyed that Eli has sent out cards to everyone in the neighbourhood announcing his retirement. Whilst fixing the shingle on Susan Mayer's house, he suffers a heart attack and suddenly dies. Whilst Bree, Gabrielle, Susan and Lynette meet up for poker and to discuss Eli's funeral, they start thinking through flashbacks how much he affected their lives. Gaby recalls how when she moved into the neighbourhood Carlos was working a lot and she found herself extremely bored. She recalls how Eli suggested she host the girl's weekly poker game in order to make friends. Gabrielle flaunts her wealth in front of the other women and makes a bad impression which Eli berates her for. Gabrielle realises how obnoxious she has been and apologizes to the other housewives, admitting that her life isn't all it cracked up to be. Back in the present day Bree suggests that she prepares food for the funeral. Whilst looking at Gabrielle's copy of her cookbook she recalls a brunch she held with her late husband Rex, a heavily pregnant Lynette and Tom. Complaining that she needs a new stove, Rex suggests that she gets a job. Taking him up on his suggestion Rex walks in on Bree preparing notes for a cookbook whilst Eli is fixing the sink. Rex teases Bree about her idea and her skills as a cook. Disheartened, Bree throws the papers away. After Rex's funeral Eli reveals to Bree that he kept the papers and that, when she feels up to it, someday she should go ahead and write her cookbook. At Eli's funeral, the women gather around Eli's coffin and Bree fixes Eli's flower arrangement before the coffin is lowered, remarking that after all the fixing Eli did for them, she wanted to fix something for him.
In ep. 514, Lynette and Tom are forced to sell his prized Ford Mustang to make ends meet after dealing with Porter's legal fees and fading business at the restaurant. Katherine assures her that everyone's in the same boat when Bree drives by to show off her new car, a hybrid Lexus LS. Lynette excuses herself and Katherine reveals that the Scavos are having money problems.
"And here I am rubbing my fabulous new car in her face," Bree says, "I feel awful. Thank God I didn't show her how it parks itself!"
Bree gives Lynette a check for $20,000, saying she won't miss the money. Lynette won't accept the check but suggests that Bree buy into the restaurant. They shake hands on the deal.
Lynette wants to throw a private party at Scavos' to honor their new partnership. Bree proposes having her latest book signing there, so the Scavos can "finally fill the place."
The book signing is underway before Bree learns that the Scavos are making recipes from her cookbook -- with pre-grated parmesan cheese! She tosses the offending items and starts making her own. Lynette spies the tossed pizzas and Bree admits she wasn't comfortable having her recipe made with "substandard ingredients."
Lynette tears into Bree, saying that just because she got lucky, she shouldn't be lording it over her friends who are less fortunate. "I'm not the one who needs $20,000 to keep my business afloat," insists Bree and Lynette snaps, "No, you're the one who's never going to let me forget it." Lynette storms out -- and accidentally runs into Bree's car. She pays Bree the damages out of her own pocket and swears to return the entire $20,000, with interest. "I don't want money to get in the way of our friendship," Bree says and Lynette tells her, "Yeah, I think it's a little late for that." After she leaves, Bree tears up the check.
In ep. 515, Alex invites Bree and Orson over for dinner and Orson learns from Alex that Bree has given Andrew a raise. When Orson asks Bree how much Andrew is making she refuses to discuss his salary but tells him she simply gave Andrew a cost of living increase. Orson attempts to retrieve the information from the bank account but is unable to do so without the password. Lynette tells Tom they are about a week away from going bankrupt because people are eating out less, Porter's legal bills, and paying Bree back. She insists they sell the restaurant and get whatever money they can but Tom refuses to be a failure. After tricking Bree into giving him the password, Orson is furious that Andrew is making double what he is making. Bree tells him that Andrew deserves what he is making and Orson is worth less.
In ep. 516, Tom is having a close out sale and Orson drops by and notices a salt shaker but Tom says its not for sale. Tom gets mad at Orson for thinking his situation is like Orson's. Orson is losing his practice because he went to prison. When Tom leaves to help bargainers, Orson steals the salt shaker. Later, he is picking up his jacket from the couch when the shaker falls out of the pocket and Bree asks where he got it. Bree demands he bring it back to Tom but he refuses because Tom was rude.
After their close out sale, Tom and Lynette have enough money to settle most of their financial problems including paying Bree back. Bree wants to help Tom find a job so she calls her publicist, Bruce, and invites him over to dinner. Lynette tells Tom about the job interview and he is not very excited. At dinner, Bruce insults Orson and after trying to get Tom interested in the job including a trip to Paris, Lynette decides she will take the job but Tom wants the job now so they bash each other in order to get the job but Bruce decides it was time to leave and while giving Bree a hug goodbye, she sees Orson steal Bruce's tape recorder. Bree finds it in his pocket and gives it back to Bruce. Bree later tells Orson that this behavior is over so Orson steals one of her earings.
In ep. 517, While talking to Gaby and Susan, Bree discovers they both have had things go missing and Gaby believes that it was Juanita. Bree quickly drives off and when Orson comes home, he finds that Bree has put all the stuff he stole on the table and demands to know why the stealing is still going on and thinks it would be a good idea to see a therapist. Bree tells Orson that he is no longer allowed to go into any of the neighbor's houses. Bree puts all the stuff he stole into her bag and makes an excuse to enter the neighbor's homes and secretly puts everything back, unfortunately she places Mrs. McClusky's mexican statue on Gaby's table and Gaby believes it was Juanita so she cancels her party and then Juanita accuses Bree, who tells Gaby that putting her to bed without supper would be a suitable punishment. As she is leaving Gaby's house, Bree sees Orson coming out of Bob and Lee's and after she catches up to him she sees that he stole one of their mugs. At therapy, Orson lets the therapist know that the stealing is something that Bree cannot control and that makes him very happy.
In ep. 518, Bree is upset that she is paying the therapist $200 an hour and has not made much progress. Orson tells her that he is stealing to hurt Bree. He tells her that for the past year she has slowly brought him closer to being an eunuch. Orson is mad that Bree keeps putting her company before him. He warns her that soon, Orson Hodge will disappear. Bree decides that the best way to save her marriage would be to sell her company. Before she signs the papers, Andrew tells her that if Orson really loved her then he wouldn't make her give up the thing that makes her happy. Much to Orson's disapproval, Bree refuses to sell her company and plans on doing a second cookbook. Orson warns her that he might steal again but she tells him to steal whatever he wants but he will not be stealing her company.
In ep. 519, The four women and Karen are asked by Dave to break the news to Edie's son Travers and give him her ashes. Along the way, each of them recall a time when Edie helped them. They get a flat tire and as Karen changes the tire, Bree tells them that Edie used to live in the area after leaving Wisteria Lane. She recalls visiting Orson in prison for the first time, but cannot bring herself to see him because she is disgusted by the prison. Bree finds out from a prison guard that Edie has been visiting Orson every week. Bree goes to Edie's new home and questions her intentions. Edie questions Bree on why she has not been visiting Orson. She reminds Bree that Orson went to jail for her and that he must really love her, so Edie wonders why she cannot suck it up and go visit him once a month. She decides that Orson could do much better than Bree and shows Bree out the door.
In ep. 520, Orson is being treated for his head wound and tells the doctor he was taking a walk and tripped and hit his head on the curb. Bree tells Orson that she cannot put up with his stealing and lying anymore so Orson tells her he just wants to be happy and a good husband. Bree tells him she hopes so because she can't take anymore lying so Orson promises there will not be anymore lying. Orson asks the doctor about Rose's condition, but he cannot discuss it so Orson tries to get them to have her placed in a nursing home by hinting that if she hurt herself or anyone else the hospital could be held responsible. Bree wants to give him a second chance because he is her husband and she loves him. Andrew reminds her he has been stealing from her friends and tried to get her to sell her company. He tells her that while she is being distracted by his "happiness" he will be looking up divorce lawyers just in case. When Katherine informs Bree of Rose's story, Bree realizes that Orson has been lying to her and when she asks what he was doing out that night he lies again. Bree goes over to Andrew's and decides she might have to divorce him.
In ep. 521, Bree is meeting with a divorce lawyer and explains to him that Orson is a decent man and wants to do right by him. But when he tells her that Orson will do just fine with the income he will get from the catering business, she tells the lawyer that Orson has a variety of psychological problems. Bree wants him to help her protect her business by pulling a few lawyer tricks but when he refuses to do something illegal she leaves. Bree gets an idea on how to keep her business after Susan tells them how Karl is representing the mayor's wife in their divorce because he hides assets and finds loopholes. When Bree tries to hire Karl to help protect her business from Orson, he agree to help her only if she gets M.J. to invite Evan to his sleepover. Bree brings M.J. macaroons and tells him that she is being bullied by someone as well and she needs his help so he agrees to invite Evan.
In ep. 522, Karl suggests secret bank accounts to protect her assets yet Bree is reluctant to stage a robbery in order to hide her valuables. They stage the robbery when everyone is at Susan and Jackson's engagement party. Bree starts to change her mind about divorcing Orson, but Karl tells her that he has heard such excuses before and convinces her to continue with the divorce proceedings. A little later, when Orson answers Bree's cell phone, he finds out that she has rented a storage unit, upon opening it he finds all the stuff that was stolen leading Orson to become suspicious.
In ep. 523, Bree and Karl are at the storage unit with Orson secretly watching them. Bree is excited to get the divorce over with so she can get on with her life and get Orson out of her life. Later that night, Bree returns home to find all of her valuables back in the house and Orson confronts her on why she did it so she informs him of the divorce. Bree tells him she does not want any of it and just wants to get out of the marriage. The next day, Orson tells Bree he filed an insurance claim under both their names and threatens to send her to jail for insurance fraud. He believes they can work it out but she tells him she no longer loves him.
In ep. 524, Karl is surprised that Bree told Orson about the divorce. Bree is worried because she is being blackmailed and if she does not pretend to love Orson, he will send her to prison. Orson is attacked by a man who warns him to let go. Otherwise, next time he will not. Orson thinks Bree hired the man to attack him, but realizes that Bree would never physically hurt him. Bree inadvertently changes Orson's mind and he decides to stay as she did not know he had a packed suitcase and was ready to leave. Bree is furious that Karl hired someone to attack Orson and accuses him of turning her into a completely different person. Karl tells her she is the most fascinating woman he has ever met and when she fires him, he kisses Bree and they both enjoy it.
Two months later, everyone is attending a wedding. Gaby is still trying to keep Ana in line, catching her flirting with a man at the wedding. Lynette excuses herself as she rushes to the bathroom, likely due to morning sickness. Bree is seen sitting next to Orson, but slowly turns to look at Karl, indicating they are likely still seeing one another. The scene ends on Mike as the groom, kissing an unidentified bride.
[edit] Quotes
[at dinner party with all the wives and their partners]
Bree: Rex cries after he ejaculates.
Rex: [having an allergic reaction] You put onions in my salad?
Bree: No, I didn't!
[looks back at table]
Bree: Oh, wait.
[Bree is compulsively fixing a button on Dr. Goldfine's jacket during their session]
Dr. Goldfine: I'm sure Freud would not approve of this.
Bree: Oh, who cares what he thinks. I took psychology in college. We learned all about Freud. A miserable human being.
Dr. Goldfine: What makes you say that?
Bree: Well, think about it. He grew up in the late 1800s. There were no appliances back then. His mother had to do everything by hand, just backbreaking work from sunup to sundown, not to mention the countless other sacrifices she probably had to make to take care of her family. And what does he do? He grows up and becomes famous, peddling a theory that the problems of most adults can be traced back to something awful their mother has done. She must have felt so betrayed. He saw how hard she worked. He saw what she did for him. Did he even ever think to say thank you? I doubt it.
[first lines]
Mary Alice Young: [voice over narration] After I died, I began to surrender the parts of myself that were no longer necessary. My desires, beliefs, ambitions, doubts. Every trace of my humanity was discarded. I discovered, when moving through eternity, it helps to travel lightly. In fact, I held onto only one thing. My memory. It's astonishing to look back on the world I left behind. I remember it all. Every single detail. Like my friend, Bree Van De Kamp. I remember the easy confidence of her smile, the gentle elegance of her hands, the refined warmth of her voice...
Bree: Bye.
Mary Alice Young: [voice over narration] ...But what I remember most about Bree...,
Bree: Rex, wasn't that a lovely...?
Mary Alice Young: [voice over narration] ...was the look of fear in her eyes. Bree had started to realize her world was unraveling. And for a woman who despised loose ends, that was unacceptable...
Bree: Oh, Rex, you look so tired.
Rex: I didn't sleep. This damn thing is so uncomfortable.
Bree: Well, why don't you move back upstairs, and sleep in my bed.
Rex: We're in marriage counseling, Bree. I think that would confuse things.
Bree: It's just... I miss you.
Rex: I know you do. Of course, if I don't start getting some sleep pretty soon, I'll be forced to move back upstairs out of sheer exhaustion.
Mary Alice Young: [narrating voice over] Yes, Bree was afraid of many things. But if there was one thing she wasn't afraid of..., it was a challenge.
Susan Mayer: How could we have all forgotten about this?
Lynette Scavo: We didn't exactly forget. It's just that usually when the hostess dies, the party is off.
Bree: Lynette!
Lynette Scavo: I'm not being flip, I'm just pointing out a reality.
Susan Mayer: Lynette?
Lynette Scavo: I'm in.
Bree: I'll make braised lamb shanks.
Lynette Scavo: I'm still in.
Rex: So these "tennis lessons" we're taking. How are we doing?
Bree: My back hand is improving immensely, but you're still having problems with your serve.
Rex: Of course.
Susan Mayer: Thanks for helping me break in. Do you think it's gonna be hard to replace that screen?
Mike Delfino: Well that depends. If you nail it in yourself, you might wanna wear gloves. Or pants. Pants wouldn't hurt.
Susan Mayer: Okay. I know what just happened is funny, in theory, but I am nowhere near ready to laugh about it. So, please, no jokes.
Bree: [opens the front door] Hey, where have you two been?
Mike Delfino: Um, Susan had a problem finding something to wear [stifles his laughter]
Mike Delfino: . Oh, was that the kinda thing you meant?
Susan Mayer: Pretty much.
Bree: Why is this happening?
Rex: Because you can't even let me pack my own suitcase.
Rex: I can't believe you tried to kill me.
Bree: Yes, well, I feel badly about that.
Rex: Since when do you make mistakes?
Bree: What's that supposed to mean?
Rex: It means I'm sick of you being so damn perfect all the time. I'm sick of the bizarre way your hair doesn't move. I'm sick of you making our bed in the morning before I've even used the bathroom. You're this, this plastic suburban housewife, with her pearls and her spatula, who says things like, "we owe the Hendersons a dinner." Where's the woman I fell in love with? Who used to burn the toast and drink milk out of the carton? And laugh? I need her. Not this cold, perfect thing you've become.
Danielle Van De Kamp: Why can't we ever have normal soup?
Bree: Danielle, there is nothing abnormal about basil puree.
Danielle Van De Kamp: Just once, can we have a soup that people have heard of. Like French Onion, or Navy Bean?
Bree: First of all, your Father can't eat onions. He's deathly allergic. And I won't even dignify your navy bean suggestion.
[turns to Andrew]
Bree: So, how's the osso buco?
Andrew Van De Kamp: It's okay.
Bree: It's okay? Andrew, I spent three hours cooking this meal. How do you think it makes me feel when you say "it's okay" in that sullen tone?
Andrew Van De Kamp: Who asked you to spend three hours on dinner?
Bree: [shocked] Excuse me?
Andrew Van De Kamp: Tim Harper's Mom gets home from work, pops open a can of pork and beans, and boom, they're eating. Everyone's happy.
Bree: You'd rather I serve pork and beans?
Danielle Van De Kamp: [turns to Andrew] Apologize now, I am begging.
Andrew Van De Kamp: I'm saying, do you always have to serve cuisine? Can't we ever just have food?
Bree: Are you doing drugs?
Andrew Van De Kamp: What?
Bree: Change in behavior is one of the warning signs and you have been as fresh as paint for the last six months. That certainly would explain why you're always locked in the bathroom.
Danielle Van De Kamp: Trust me, that is not what he is doing.
Andrew Van De Kamp: Shut up.
[to Bree]
Andrew Van De Kamp: Mom, I'm not the one with the problem, all right. You're the one who's acting like she's running for Mayor of Stepford.
Bree: [at the dinner table] Rex, seeing that you're the head of this household I would really appreciate it if you said something.
Rex: Pass the salt?
Rex: [after Rex has asked for a divorce in a family restaurant] Are we gonna talk about what I said?
Bree: [to Rex] If you think I'm gonna discuss the dissolution of my marriage in a place where the restrooms are labeled "Chicks" and "Dudes", you are out of your mind.
Gabrielle Solis: What's that?
Bree: It's a letter addressed to Mary Alice.
Bree Van De Kamp: God, I couldn't wait to get rid of them! So, Lynette said that you found Zack.
Susan Mayer: He's at a rehabilitation center. Julie snuck in and actually talked to him.
Lynette Scavo: Did he say anything about his mother's suicide?
Susan Mayer: There wasn't enough time. He did say one thing that was kind of mysterious. He said something happened to someone named Dana, and that he could never ever talk about it.
Gabrielle Solis: Who the hell's Dana?
Lynette Scavo: That's the mystery part.
Susan Mayer: I figure Dana has something to do with what Mary Alice was trying to hide.
Lynette Scavo: So somebody found out Mary Alice's secret...
Bree Van De Kamp: ...and sent the note.
Gabrielle Solis: So who the hell is that?
Rex Van De Kamp: You're going to ruin his whole future over a little rough housing?
Bree Van De Kamp: Rex, this was practically assault.
Rex Van De Kamp: Mrs. Stark, what Andrew did was clearly wrong, but in his defense, his mother and I are going through severe marital problems.
Bree Van De Kamp: Is that relevant?
Rex Van De Kamp: Our marriage is disintegrating. Of course Andrew is acting out. He has every right to be angry.
Bree Van De Kamp: If Andrew is angry about you moving out of the house, then perhaps he should shove your head into a locker!
Rex Van De Kamp: All I'm saying, is that we need to take some of the responsibility here.
Bree Van De Kamp: And so does Andrew! Blaming his actions on our problems... which are not so serious... does not help him.
Rex Van De Kamp: Our problems are serious!
Bree Van De Kamp: Mrs. Stark, you handle this however you see fit.
Rex Van De Kamp: Bree, I've gone to an attorney. You're gonna to be served with divorce papers later today.
Bree Van De Kamp: You went to an attorney?
Rex Van De Kamp: Yeah! And a good one too!
Bree Van De Kamp: Well he better be good, because when I'm finished with you, you won't have a cent to your name!
Rex Van De Kamp: Bring it on!
Andrew Van De Kamp: What's this about?
Rex Van De Kamp: You both know that your mother and I have been unhappy for quite a while. And after a lot of soul searching, we've decided it would be better if we got divorced.
Bree Van De Kamp: But whatever problems your father and I have, it doesn't change the fact that we love you very, very much.
Andrew Van De Kamp: I've got a question.
Bree Van De Kamp: Go ahead sweetheart. Ask whatever you want.
Andrew Van De Kamp: Can I live with dad? I mean, c'mon, mom, let's face it. We drive each other crazy.
Bree Van De Kamp: Is, is that what you would prefer, Danielle? To live with your father.
Danielle Van De Kamp: I don't really care, as long as I have my own bathroom.
Bree Van De Kamp: Um, all this, um, wine is, uh, giving me a headache.
Susan: I think we should give it to Paul.
Gabrielle Solis: He's still mourning Susan. He'll probably freak out.
Susan: It doesn't matter. She was his wife. He deserves to have all the facts.
Bree Van De Kamp: Well, we could do it gently. We could tell him about it over coffee and pastry.
Lynette Scavo: That'll be fun. "Paul, we have proof your wife killed herself over some deep dark secret. Another bear claw".
Bree Van De Kamp: [to Susan, Gabrielle and Lynette] It's the age old question, isn't it? How much do we really want to know about our neighbors?
Bree Van De Kamp: Do you remember when you proposed?
Rex Van De Kamp: For God's sake.
Bree Van De Kamp: We sat on Skyline Drive and drank a bottle of apple wine and when we finished it, you turned to me and you said, "If you marry me, Bree Mason, I promise to love you for the rest of my life". And even though I was engaged to Ty Grant, and even though my Father didn't like you, I said yes.
Rex Van De Kamp: That was a long time ago.
Bree Van De Kamp: You're gonna cancel the meeting with that divorce lawyer and we're gonna find ourselves a marriage counselor.
Peter McMillian: I'll tell you what. Here's my card and if you ever do have a problem or you just feel like talking, give me a call, okay?
Bree: I know you think I'm kidding myself, but I'm not. I'm nothing like you people. I just don't have a compulsive personality.
Bree: Well, I'm still appalled that you're helping my son with this ridiculous emancipation scheme, but you are a guest in my house and guests get sandwiches.
Andrew Van De Kamp: You know, if you'd let me go to his office, you wouldn't have to pretend to be nice to him.
Bree: Andrew, there may be a judge out there stupid enough to emancipate you, but until you find him, I retain all my parental rights. One of which is to ground your sorry behind until kingdom come. Mr. Bormanis, nice to see you again, and, um, please don't get crumbs on my carpet.
Bree: Tonight was a very unusual situation. I wish you could've known me when Rex was alive and my kids were young and everything was the way it was supposed to be. I think you really would've liked me so much.
Peter McMillian: I like you just fine.
Bree: Really? Because I don't.
Bree: I cannot afford to break down right now.
Susan: Why not?
Bree: [Rex's mother pulls up] You'll see why in a moment.
Bree Van De Kamp: You are no longer invited to the funeral.
Phyllis Van De Kamp: What?
Reverend Sikes: You're not serious.
Bree Van De Kamp: Oh, yes, I am. I am going to hire security. And those security men are going to have sticks and if you so much as set foot in that sanctuary, they will be instructed to beat you with those sticks.
Reverend Sikes: Bree, this is your grief talking.
Bree Van De Kamp: Reverend, if you don't back me up on this, so help me, I will pull the funeral out of your church!
Reverend Sikes: Bree!
Bree Van De Kamp: I am not kidding. I will go non-denominational so fast, it will make your head spin.
Andrew Van De Kamp: Mom, Grandma's leaving. All right, you have to talk to her.
Bree Van De Kamp: No, I don't. If you heard the things that she said to me...
Andrew Van De Kamp: Look, I'm sure she was a real bitch, OK, but she's family, so that makes her our bitch. Let her say goodbye to Dad.
Bree Van De Kamp: She went out of her way to be cruel to me. I don't want her at the funeral.
Danielle Van De Kamp: [crying] Mom, if you don't let Grandma come, I will never forgive you!
Andrew Van De Kamp: [to Danielle] Did I ask for your help?
[to Bree]
Andrew Van De Kamp: You know Dad would want her there.
[Bree has found Alma and a passed out Orson in bed together, along with sleeping pills and Viagra]
Bree Van De Kamp: You raped my husband!
Alma Hodge: We made love. And when our baby is born, he's going to come back to me.
Bree Van De Kamp: Baby?
Alma Hodge: It's true. I could be expecting right now.
Bree Van De Kamp: Were you expecting this?
[Bree decks Alma before she calls her house]
Bree Van De Kamp: Andrew, I need you to come over right away. And, um...
[pause]
Bree Van De Kamp: ...bring the wheelbarrow.
Bree: [to Alma] You... RAPED my husband!
Bree: [Bree finds Orson and Alma in bed together] Orson, I have caught you cheating, at least have the courtesy to WAKE UP!
Bree: I think you'd love the opera. The music and the voices, it's just all so passionate.
Peter McMillian: Yeah, three hundred-pound soprano seducing balding tenors. That'd be hot!
Lynette: Karl broke up with Edie.
Susan: Oh my God!
Bree: Yeah, apparently he was seeing someone.
Susan: Really? Did he say who it is?
Edie: I know who she is. She's a man-eating, scum-sucking ho bag!
Bree: [Pause] No, he did not say.
Bree: [after Andrew tells her he hates her] The opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifference. And if you hate me, that means you still care, and we're still connected... and I still have a chance to set you right.
Bree: Perception is reality, Andrew. And if people perceive me to have a drinking problem, then I do. And I certainly don't want some idiotic judge using my hobby as an excuse to make you rich. So I'm simply going to give up my wine and become a recovering alcoholic.
Andrew Van De Kamp: Good plan, but it'll never work. See, I'll bet you still end up coming to court hammered.
Bree: Oh, Andrew, you don't think I love you enough to give up alcohol?
Andrew Van De Kamp: Look, I'm seventeen, all right? So, you can only keep me here for another year. Why not just let me go?
Bree: Because I'm not done with you yet. It's my job to teach you and you are not half the man I know you can be.
Andrew Van De Kamp: Yeah, well, I got news for you. This is as good as I'm gonna get.
Bree: If I really thought that, I'd get a gun right now and kill us both.
Bree: [the doctor has just called to tell Bree that Rex is dead] No, no - of course. You did everything you could.
[Bree hangs up the phone, gracefully finishes cleaning her silverware... and then begins to cry uncontrollably]
Rex: Bree... I think I'm having a heart attack!
Bree: No, you're not!
[Bree hears, on the TV, that someone, female has been shot, and thinks it could be Lynette]
Porter Scavo: Mrs. Hodge, when's mommy gonna be back from the store?
Bree Hodge: I'm sure she'll be back soon, why don't we have some... cookies?
Parker Scavo: Mommy said we can't have cookies before dinner.
Bree Hodge: Well, um, I'm sure she won't mind, come on.
[edit] Relatives
[edit] Blood Relatives
Son: Andrew Van De Kamp
Daughter: Danielle Katz
Grandson: Benjamin Katz
Mother: Mrs. Mason (deceased)
Father: Henry Mason
Siblings: Jen Mason
Aunt: Fern Mason
[edit] Other Relatives
Step-Father: N/A
Step-Mother: Eleanor Mason
Former Husbands: Rex Van De Kamp (deceased)
Current Husband: Orson Hodge
Lover: Karl Mayer
Father-in-law: Mr. Van De Kamp (deceased), Edwin Hodge (deceased)
Mother-in-law: Gloria Hodge (paralyzed by stroke), Phyllis Van De Kamp
Step-son: N/A
Step-daughter: N/A
Son-in-law: Leo Katz, Alex Cominis (engaged to Andrew)
Father of grandson: Austin McCann
Past Romances: Ty Grant, George Williams (deceased), Peter McMillan
[edit] Trivia
- Bree is based on creator Marc Cherry's own mother, as the entire Van De Kamp family is based on the family in which he grew up.
- Marcia Cross originally auditioned for the role of Mary-Alice Young, but Marc Cherry thought she was Bree the minute she walked in.
- Bree and her first husband Rex were both named after the overtly vain characters on two of Marc Cherry's previous failed sitcoms, The Five Mrs. Buchanans (Bree) and The Crew (Rex).
- In the 3rd season episodes 16 and 17, Bree is played by Marcia Cross' stand in, Carolyn Howard, and in most scenes viewers will only see her backside. This is due to Marcia Cross' pregnancy. The character then proceeds to leave town to see her parents and go on to meet Orson for their honeymoon, which explains her departure.
- Bree is the only character, from the leading four females, not to appear in every episode because of her maternity leave towards the end of Season 3.
